My Mom's cousin passed away and his wife is grieving. It is especially hard during the Holidays. I thought I would remember Mark who passed away 12/2/02 - 8 years ago this week and remember Jerry and Rita with these words:
Oh, Rita, my heart goes out to you. You are probably doing just fine and perfectly normal under the circumstances.
I'm Dottie. I'm Radine's Daughter. I just wanted to tell you my story. In 2002, my first husband passed away at home in the bath tub. I found him and called 911. We had 2 daughters - they were 7 and 15 at the time. Mark was 43 when he died. I was 44. We lived on a short dead end road and my daughters were out trying to flag down the ambulance. They passed our house 5 times!
In the days that passed. I often felt like you feel now. Like life was going on and I felt like 1/2 of my brain had been replaced with Jello. I looked normal. In many ways, I continued to function, but I lost things. Then I would find them in the same place I thought they were, where I had looked 500 times the day before and I couldn't find them. I cried. I left my purse in the parking lot in a grocery cart at the grocery store. A stranger found it and contacted me. I was almost amazed that I could walk forward, I felt so disorientated.
I cried on Mark's grave. I cried in the car. I cried at the computer. I cried in Mark's garage. My daughters kept asking me what was wrong - Duh, your dad died.
The best thing I did for myself was join a grief share group. The web site is griefshare.org and they will send you a grief orientated devotional regarding grief for a year. You can put your zip in the site and find a group. It was good to sit and visit with people who shared their losses. Most of them were women who had lost their husbands. One was a sister who had lost her only other sibling, a brother. One was a single parent who had lost her only child, a 15 year son to suicide. We would talk, visit and learn about grief. Share our losses.
I want to encourage you to grieve all your losses. I want to let you know the pain is normal and it will pass. I want you to know that what you are going thru is awful and perfectly normal at the same time.
On the one year anniversary of Mark's death, I went to the men's group that Mark had been apart of. I did simple things. I lit a candle in Mark's memory. I read something I had written. I read the words to the song Mark had written for me for our wedding. The men responded in ways I could never imagine.
At Mark's memorial service, the pastor shared the story I told him. Mark had told me that he had a vision of heaven. He was in heaven and Jesus was showing him his new home. It was a blue (Mark's favorite color) country home on a acreage, there were dogs and kids playing in the year. It was perfect, he said.
When I'm at the men's group, one man said: I never pass a blue house that I don't think about Mark. I'm sure other people said other things. But that is what stuck with me.
I'm hoping that you will grieve Jerry. But that you will remember him. I'm hoping that you will go to the River Watchers and light a candle in Jerry's memory.
The other thing that touched me is that the Men's group met on Saturday morning at 8 am. I went to the Saturday evening service at 5 pm. When I came into the service, the candle I had lit that morning was still burning. No one wanted to blow it out.
Rita, I will pray for you as God brings you to my mind.
with love and sincere sympathy.
Dottie
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Monday, April 5, 2010
Another Blessing: A great student leadership team!
One of God's other blessings at Pearland Junior High East: Their student leadership team!
This group of students is amazing. First of all, they handle all the announcements at the club like clockwork. The Connection Club does the food drive, Pennies for Patients and a tab drive for the Ronald McDonald House. Each student grabs the visual reminder for their announcement and just does it.
I remember last year, when, if you didn't prompt them, there were lots of big silent pauses. Now, they just breeze through them, no prompts necessary!
One girl has taken on the job of introducing the speaker. She goes up and says hello, ask him what church he is from and makes other small talk.
It's one thing to talk about the grace and ease they have with making announcements. That is a sign of growth, maturity and developing leadership skills.
There are 5 students on the leadership team: 2 boys, 3 girls or 2 7th graders and 3 8th graders.
But it is the other issues that I see them dealing with and their push to continue what they are doing is what I find really moving.
One issue: The 7th grade boy brings in his 8th Grade handbook and wants to know why the Connection Club is not listed in the list of clubs.
I watch this group take ownership. And offense. They talk about the problem. They look at me and the sponsor and you can tell, they would like us to fix this. We put it back on their shoulders. "Who will ask the principal?"
For several weeks, this comes up. What should be said? Who should say it? Who will go and ask? Suggestions. Discussion. Tentative plan. The next week: repeat.
But they are wrestling with this issue. One girl said she said something to the principal. The group realized they need to follow up and starts discussing who should say what.
And Last year, they couldn't make announcements!
The other thing I saw this morning was this desire to continue their club, their leadership.
This group will all go to Pearland High School. The 8th graders in Fall 2010, the 7th graders in fall 2011. So, they are so excited that there is a club at PHS. This morning, they are discussing how they can join the club at PHS. A 7th Grade girl says: I have this idea: How about we continue the Connection Club at the High School?
Much discussion. I let them know, I will be happy to help them at the High School - if that is what they want to do, but there is a club there - iPray, but they are all or mostly Seniors.
There is also discussion on See you at the Pole, See you at the Pole Training. One girl tells how she went to the Saw you at the Pole and it was so awesome. (and I was wondering if I needed to continue that . . . )
I hear a desire to continue this ongoing ministry. I hear them looking to the future: 8th Graders planning for High School Club and See you at the Pole. 7th Graders planning for next year's PJHE's Connection Club.
I am so moved at what God has developed in this leadership team.
There are several things I realize:
1) I'm seeing fruit. There are so many ministries where you never see Fruit and you move forward by faith. Just simply the belief that this will bear fruit and you just do it. Seeing Fruit is such a Blessing especially on this side of Heaven.
2) I need to keep doing this. I need to keep doing this. I need to keep doing this.
And more of this.
3) What about Berry Miller and Junior High West? What are those kids missing out on because they don't have a club and can't be on a leadership team?
4) I need to do a field trip where I get the 5 junior highers from East to the 6:45 am iPray at Pearland High school. This is a little like saying you would like to take some Junior Highers to the Moon! But my mind is going: Could I get permission from the High School? Could I take them to McDonald's for Breakfast - How much could it cost to take 5 Junior Highers to McDonald's - better start fundraising. Could they ride the high School Bus to the High School and I will take them to their school After wards? How many permission slips will this take?
And last year, they couldn't make the announcements . . . What could they be doing next year with just a little more coaching?
This group of students is amazing. First of all, they handle all the announcements at the club like clockwork. The Connection Club does the food drive, Pennies for Patients and a tab drive for the Ronald McDonald House. Each student grabs the visual reminder for their announcement and just does it.
I remember last year, when, if you didn't prompt them, there were lots of big silent pauses. Now, they just breeze through them, no prompts necessary!
One girl has taken on the job of introducing the speaker. She goes up and says hello, ask him what church he is from and makes other small talk.
It's one thing to talk about the grace and ease they have with making announcements. That is a sign of growth, maturity and developing leadership skills.
There are 5 students on the leadership team: 2 boys, 3 girls or 2 7th graders and 3 8th graders.
But it is the other issues that I see them dealing with and their push to continue what they are doing is what I find really moving.
One issue: The 7th grade boy brings in his 8th Grade handbook and wants to know why the Connection Club is not listed in the list of clubs.
I watch this group take ownership. And offense. They talk about the problem. They look at me and the sponsor and you can tell, they would like us to fix this. We put it back on their shoulders. "Who will ask the principal?"
For several weeks, this comes up. What should be said? Who should say it? Who will go and ask? Suggestions. Discussion. Tentative plan. The next week: repeat.
But they are wrestling with this issue. One girl said she said something to the principal. The group realized they need to follow up and starts discussing who should say what.
And Last year, they couldn't make announcements!
The other thing I saw this morning was this desire to continue their club, their leadership.
This group will all go to Pearland High School. The 8th graders in Fall 2010, the 7th graders in fall 2011. So, they are so excited that there is a club at PHS. This morning, they are discussing how they can join the club at PHS. A 7th Grade girl says: I have this idea: How about we continue the Connection Club at the High School?
Much discussion. I let them know, I will be happy to help them at the High School - if that is what they want to do, but there is a club there - iPray, but they are all or mostly Seniors.
There is also discussion on See you at the Pole, See you at the Pole Training. One girl tells how she went to the Saw you at the Pole and it was so awesome. (and I was wondering if I needed to continue that . . . )
I hear a desire to continue this ongoing ministry. I hear them looking to the future: 8th Graders planning for High School Club and See you at the Pole. 7th Graders planning for next year's PJHE's Connection Club.
I am so moved at what God has developed in this leadership team.
There are several things I realize:
1) I'm seeing fruit. There are so many ministries where you never see Fruit and you move forward by faith. Just simply the belief that this will bear fruit and you just do it. Seeing Fruit is such a Blessing especially on this side of Heaven.
2) I need to keep doing this. I need to keep doing this. I need to keep doing this.
And more of this.
3) What about Berry Miller and Junior High West? What are those kids missing out on because they don't have a club and can't be on a leadership team?
4) I need to do a field trip where I get the 5 junior highers from East to the 6:45 am iPray at Pearland High school. This is a little like saying you would like to take some Junior Highers to the Moon! But my mind is going: Could I get permission from the High School? Could I take them to McDonald's for Breakfast - How much could it cost to take 5 Junior Highers to McDonald's - better start fundraising. Could they ride the high School Bus to the High School and I will take them to their school After wards? How many permission slips will this take?
And last year, they couldn't make the announcements . . . What could they be doing next year with just a little more coaching?
God bless the Connection Club at PJHE!
God has blessed the Connection Club at Pearland Junior High East with some amazing things. And some amazing obstacles.
First of all, this club has an amazing adult support team: Patti Kachel and Linda and Billy Shaw. These are Grandparents that show up each week and just help. Help pass out snacks, help set up the room and then help get it ready for the class after wards.
But it is the adult contact that they give the students that is such a blessing. Patti comments on Juan's glasses. CJ tells Linda his birthday is in 7 days. Billy cheers on the football players and pats them on the back. Linda's granddaughter grins from ear to ear and goes to hug Linda. Patti greets the speaker. The list could go on about the small acts of kindness and love this team brings to this club and the 60 to 80 students that attend.
Remember many of these kids won't get this kindness at school from their peers. And too many won't get this kind of encouragement and kind words at home either.
I will write a second blog about the student leadership team - which is wonderful, but first let me address an obstacle.
Because everything has to be "politically correct", when the on campus Christian Club writes their announcements. Let's stop here and praise God that they can make announcements.
But their announcements can't include the words: God, Jesus, Prayer, Christian, Bible, the name of any youth pastor/speaker.
"The Connections Club will be meeting on Wednesday morning in the Art room and a speaker will address good citizenship. Snacks will be served."
Gives you a new perspective on Snacks - it's the only thing that isn't in code!
There are still students who are trying to start a Christian Club. They are shocked to find out that Pearland Junior High East has one!
First of all, this club has an amazing adult support team: Patti Kachel and Linda and Billy Shaw. These are Grandparents that show up each week and just help. Help pass out snacks, help set up the room and then help get it ready for the class after wards.
But it is the adult contact that they give the students that is such a blessing. Patti comments on Juan's glasses. CJ tells Linda his birthday is in 7 days. Billy cheers on the football players and pats them on the back. Linda's granddaughter grins from ear to ear and goes to hug Linda. Patti greets the speaker. The list could go on about the small acts of kindness and love this team brings to this club and the 60 to 80 students that attend.
Remember many of these kids won't get this kindness at school from their peers. And too many won't get this kind of encouragement and kind words at home either.
I will write a second blog about the student leadership team - which is wonderful, but first let me address an obstacle.
Because everything has to be "politically correct", when the on campus Christian Club writes their announcements. Let's stop here and praise God that they can make announcements.
But their announcements can't include the words: God, Jesus, Prayer, Christian, Bible, the name of any youth pastor/speaker.
"The Connections Club will be meeting on Wednesday morning in the Art room and a speaker will address good citizenship. Snacks will be served."
Gives you a new perspective on Snacks - it's the only thing that isn't in code!
There are still students who are trying to start a Christian Club. They are shocked to find out that Pearland Junior High East has one!
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
I found a new Club!!
I've decided that looking for on Campus Christian Clubs to support is like looking for underground Churches.
When I ask, the attitude seems to be "why do you need to know?" The School won't tell you anything - they are afraid of being sued. There is nothing on the school website regarding anything but the favored clubs: Future Problem Solvers, Cheerleaders, Drill Team, Various sports, National Honor Society.
But there is nothing on the school websites about Christian Clubs - except maybe FCA - Fellowship of Christian Athletes. This is Texas, so that great combination of God and Football works in this state!
About three weeks ago, someone gave me a lead on a Christian Club at Pearland High School. It is a prayer group - meets on Monday mornings at 6:45 am. This week I connect with them. I brought them Starbucks goodies and they were thrilled.
As I have met with various clubs and told them: I made connections with a club at Pearland High School! Everyone is so excited. I feel like Paul when he wrote letters to the various New Testament churches.
To the Club at Pearland High School: Greetings in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. The club at Pearland Junior High East sends it's blessings and their great thankfulness at your perseverance. PJHE Connection Club rejoices with you in your joys and trusts that you will pray for them to persevere as well.
In the fall, the eighth graders, who will be the incoming ninth graders plan to join with you, rejoicing that there is a another club to go to. Previously, they were afraid that they - as the freshman class - were going to have to provide leadership at Pearland High School, but yeah, verily, it isn't so! The senior class of 2014 is exceedingly glad!
Rejoicing!
Dottie
When I ask, the attitude seems to be "why do you need to know?" The School won't tell you anything - they are afraid of being sued. There is nothing on the school website regarding anything but the favored clubs: Future Problem Solvers, Cheerleaders, Drill Team, Various sports, National Honor Society.
But there is nothing on the school websites about Christian Clubs - except maybe FCA - Fellowship of Christian Athletes. This is Texas, so that great combination of God and Football works in this state!
About three weeks ago, someone gave me a lead on a Christian Club at Pearland High School. It is a prayer group - meets on Monday mornings at 6:45 am. This week I connect with them. I brought them Starbucks goodies and they were thrilled.
As I have met with various clubs and told them: I made connections with a club at Pearland High School! Everyone is so excited. I feel like Paul when he wrote letters to the various New Testament churches.
To the Club at Pearland High School: Greetings in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. The club at Pearland Junior High East sends it's blessings and their great thankfulness at your perseverance. PJHE Connection Club rejoices with you in your joys and trusts that you will pray for them to persevere as well.
In the fall, the eighth graders, who will be the incoming ninth graders plan to join with you, rejoicing that there is a another club to go to. Previously, they were afraid that they - as the freshman class - were going to have to provide leadership at Pearland High School, but yeah, verily, it isn't so! The senior class of 2014 is exceedingly glad!
Rejoicing!
Dottie
Sunday, March 7, 2010
We wrestle not against Flesh and Blood . . .
These past couple weeks, I have been thinking about spiritual warfare. They have been some hard weeks - can you tell?
I lead some things in Pearland - The on Campus Christian Club Booster club, the Pearland Youth Ministry Alliance, See you at the Pole and Saw you at the Pole and Baccalaureate. They are all things, where people from various churches come together. I convince people to work together, in the community and out from the church walls.
I see it as simple. Necessary. Part of being the Body of Christ. An expression of Christ's Love. Just simply bringing Christians together from various churches to work together. Does that sound like a warfare strategy?
I don't always see it as an open attack on Satan's turf.
And then, stuff starts happening. In August 09, I coordinated a meeting between the on campus Christian Club sponsors and the local youth pastors. Just a way to help the sponsors meet the youth pastors and hopefully develop some connections for speakers for their clubs.
Does this sound like warfare?
3 of the 4 club sponsors had last minute conflicts and couldn't show up.
The day of the meeting, I personally walked out to a car with a flat tire.
As I walked out to the car, I was aware my home AC was not working right.
The host church got mad because the room wasn't reserved thru proper channels.
Does it sound like there was serious opposition to this meeting now?
Example number 2: Baccalaureate - another name for Spiritual warfare.
Since 1999, I have chaired the Baccalaureate Committee. Once again, convincing people from multiple churches to work together to provide a wonderful Baccalaureate Service for our graduates.
Does this sound like warfare?
Every year, there is some kind of opposition. It is unbelievable. The pastors argue. One church gets mad because I didn't audition their youth band. (I didn't know they had a youth band!) The school totally changes the rules 10 days before Baccalaureate. The school sends us a rental bill - 2 days after Baccalaureate, after they had agreed to let us use the space for free.
Last year, I was begging people to attend. I was begging people to bring cookies! It was like I was hosting the event no one cared about.
This year, unknown to me, there was a independent youth pastor group planning Baccalaureate . . . Some of them were meeting with the Baccalaureate Committee, but we didn't know about the additional meetings until we were at our second meeting.
There aren't words to describe how stressful this all was.
But there is a word that describes it: Warfare. Spiritual Warfare.
And the enemy doesn't fight fair.
I lead some things in Pearland - The on Campus Christian Club Booster club, the Pearland Youth Ministry Alliance, See you at the Pole and Saw you at the Pole and Baccalaureate. They are all things, where people from various churches come together. I convince people to work together, in the community and out from the church walls.
I see it as simple. Necessary. Part of being the Body of Christ. An expression of Christ's Love. Just simply bringing Christians together from various churches to work together. Does that sound like a warfare strategy?
I don't always see it as an open attack on Satan's turf.
And then, stuff starts happening. In August 09, I coordinated a meeting between the on campus Christian Club sponsors and the local youth pastors. Just a way to help the sponsors meet the youth pastors and hopefully develop some connections for speakers for their clubs.
Does this sound like warfare?
3 of the 4 club sponsors had last minute conflicts and couldn't show up.
The day of the meeting, I personally walked out to a car with a flat tire.
As I walked out to the car, I was aware my home AC was not working right.
The host church got mad because the room wasn't reserved thru proper channels.
Does it sound like there was serious opposition to this meeting now?
Example number 2: Baccalaureate - another name for Spiritual warfare.
Since 1999, I have chaired the Baccalaureate Committee. Once again, convincing people from multiple churches to work together to provide a wonderful Baccalaureate Service for our graduates.
Does this sound like warfare?
Every year, there is some kind of opposition. It is unbelievable. The pastors argue. One church gets mad because I didn't audition their youth band. (I didn't know they had a youth band!) The school totally changes the rules 10 days before Baccalaureate. The school sends us a rental bill - 2 days after Baccalaureate, after they had agreed to let us use the space for free.
Last year, I was begging people to attend. I was begging people to bring cookies! It was like I was hosting the event no one cared about.
This year, unknown to me, there was a independent youth pastor group planning Baccalaureate . . . Some of them were meeting with the Baccalaureate Committee, but we didn't know about the additional meetings until we were at our second meeting.
There aren't words to describe how stressful this all was.
But there is a word that describes it: Warfare. Spiritual Warfare.
And the enemy doesn't fight fair.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Revial in Pearland
After I sent out an email announcing the next Pearland Youth Ministry Alliance meeting, Mike Rosas emailed me and said he couldn't wait.
I said I wanted more people like him, who couldn't wait for my meetings.
Here is his response:
Awe well you deserve it!
The day will come when everybody will. Your faithfulness will bring that day just like Simeon who was constantly praying for the Messiah and was able to see Jesus...your faithfulness and investments will bring a unity and revival to Pearland the likes of which have never been seen in these parts. Thanks for what you do!
It made my day! I'm still waiting for Revial in Pearland! woo hoo!
Thanks, Mike! mikerosas.org
I said I wanted more people like him, who couldn't wait for my meetings.
Here is his response:
Awe well you deserve it!
The day will come when everybody will. Your faithfulness will bring that day just like Simeon who was constantly praying for the Messiah and was able to see Jesus...your faithfulness and investments will bring a unity and revival to Pearland the likes of which have never been seen in these parts. Thanks for what you do!
It made my day! I'm still waiting for Revial in Pearland! woo hoo!
Thanks, Mike! mikerosas.org
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
A quote on Leadership
A leader is best when people barely know he exists,
Not so good when people obey and acclaim him.
Worse when they despise him.
Fail to honor people,
They fail to honor you.
But of a good leader, who talks little
When his work is done, his aim fullfilled,
The people will say, "We did this ourselves."
Lao - Tzu
Not so good when people obey and acclaim him.
Worse when they despise him.
Fail to honor people,
They fail to honor you.
But of a good leader, who talks little
When his work is done, his aim fullfilled,
The people will say, "We did this ourselves."
Lao - Tzu
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