I’m a networking disaster . . . but I still believe in networking!

I really am. I have stories you wouldn't believe.

I just read this great post by Rawd B. Jones. It is wonderful and I agree with all he wrote. He wrote The state of the Network address. FYI: He has written another great article – Networking sucks! Then I started thinking – why do I believe so whole heartedly in networking and what would I write about it.

I agree with Rawd, but my experiences have been totally different. And my experiences have been outstandingly bad.

First of all, I'm not a youth pastor. It's taken me a while to say this because my experiences so parallel a youth pastors. I've been a chaplain with juvenile delinquents. Very youth pastorish in kinda a locked up, no parents, no lock ins, no camp outs, events kind of way. I've run an on campus lunch time outreach ministry – very youth pastorish in that kinda weekly contact, weekly program sorta way.

Second of all, I'm a fiftyish very cool woman. Not exactly your classic youth pastor stereo type.

And lastly, I have been living and working in the same community for over 20 years. Not exactly, your typically longevity for your average youth pastor. (The average youth pastor last 14 months.)

Since I get to pick what I am, since no one else knows – I call myself a youth ministry specialist. I specialize in "Community Youth Ministry" and Youth Ministry in Schools and Juvenile institutions. An unusual specialty for your typical youth pastor.

But still, I am passionate about students and youth pastors and working together. I am convinced that if the student pastors have relationships with each other, it makes a community better for students. So, in this belief, I have coordinated a Youth Ministry Alliance for about 20 years.

My start in Networking: I started out with an evening meeting that included both full time and bi vocational youth pastors. I then went to a lunch time meeting that was primarily for full time youth pastors. I heard about networking at joint youth ministry conference in Atlanta in 1996. I thought that was a great idea. I've slept since then, but it wasn't a group of youth pastors that decided to do this. It was me. I got permission from the previous Pearland Youth Ministry Alliance to restart and use the name. All of them were out of youth ministry at that time, so there had been a group but they had all moved on. I understand that David Gentiles had been either instrumental in starting that group or keeping it going.

Anyways, back to the beginning. I restarted the PYMA. I was also participating in the Pearland Ministerial Alliance and would regularly announce the upcoming PYMA meetings at their meetings. Kind of an FYI thing.

The start was rough. I would call and fax every church in town. I usually called in the evenings because I found out it was just easier to leave it on the answering machine than it was to spell ALLIANCE for the secretary or to have her tell me that they didn't have any youth so no one wanted to come. I had one wonderful youth pastor that committed to be there every month so I never had to eat alone. So, it would be me and Doug Brown and someone else. And the next month, it would be me and Doug Brown and a different someone else. Finally, there must have been enough, that we planned a skate night at the local skating rink with a local Christian Radio personality. I will tell you that I remember enough to know that we needed 100 students to break even and we had maybe 103! We made $15!

My network is growing! The next PYMA meeting, there were 10 or 12 people at the table and I was running late, probably scrapping my jaw off the floor. I couldn't believe it!

If this sounds wonderful, brace yourself. Remember how I announced the PYMA meetings at the PMA meeting? Well, the Ministerial Alliance now decided that I had asked permission to start the PYMA, so that they were in charge of it. The PMA had no notes or minutes, so this was all "what do you remember, Bob?" When I protested that the PYMA need to be a separate group and that each Youth Pastor needed to be accountable to their own pastor, I was seen as hostile.

Maybe it was that $15 we made at the skate night . . .

Who is in charge here? Wait, it gets worst! Every participating youth pastor was told by their pastor that they could not participate in the PYMA, unless we were under the PMA. We went under the PMA. Within months, every youth pastor left town and before he or she left, came to me and said: "I did what I was told. I really think it would be better if the PYMA was independent of the PMA." Make sure you are getting this. They left town. They moved on. I was left with a network that was accountable to the senior pastor's group.

Each youth pastor group after this struggled with this. It looked like this: Churches A thru F were at the PMA table and Churches A, G, H, I, J and K were regulars at the PYMA table. I was the link that accounted for and defended the decisions of the PYMA table. Church B's pastor was most vocal about how it had to be this way: The PYMA rarely saw his youth pastor and PMA rarely saw him.

After several years of this insanity, the then PMA president said something about how he needed to put a minister in charge of the PYMA. Something inside of me broke. I thought you can't get a minister to serve as secretary, treasurer or vice president of the PMA and you are going to get one to come to and be in charge of the PYMA meetings? No words were spoken, I just stopped holding PYMA meetings. No one else did it either. I regularly called meetings in March or so to plan for See you at the Pole – usually a Saw you at the Pole.

Restarting the network. After a while – a year or 2, I started up the PYMA again. I made sure I didn't announce it at the PMA meetings. It was rough going. The startup always was rough. I remember what it was like to restart as a day time lunch meeting and I prayed for a Doug Brown to come and commit, so I didn't have to eat lunch alone.

I really wanted this to happen, so I started bring in local ministries and organizations to tell about their group at the meeting. This assured that I would not be there alone! I convinced churches to host meetings and provide lunch, so at least their youth pastor would be there. (Sometimes, lunch showed up, but the youth pastor didn't.) I kept going, being faithful at what I felt like God was leading me to do.

Growing again. Finally, a local putt-putt golf place hosted the meeting in 2009. We had 8 people, including the owner's youth pastor. There was finally a group that was starting to connect with each other. I was so excited! Churches were hosting meetings and a small steady group of small church youth pastors and directors were starting to come out.

Don't get too excited. It goes downhill quickly. One youth pastor went back to work full time, so he could no longer attend the lunch time meetings. Another youth pastor's senior pastor wouldn't let him come or would schedule staff retreats for that time. Another got too busy.

Finally, I got confronted by a group of angry youth pastors at a Baccalaureate lunch. They are angry because I arranged a meeting place and time and invited them to the meeting! They are angry because I invited them to help plan and organize a Saw you at the Pole event and when they didn't help, I did it and invited them to the event. They are angry because the PYMA meetings are on Thursday and they want them on Wednesday! No one had asked to change the meeting day.

I'm out of the network. We changed the meeting to Wednesdays. I lose most of the former attendees because Wednesdays doesn't work for them. I held one Wednesday meeting and then there is a meeting with the youth pastor that wants to be in charge of everything. I gave him leadership of the Pearland Youth Ministry Alliance. He never put me on the email invitation list. Within 3 months, I was no longer being invited to the meetings.

When I started a new network 6 months later, I was accused of being divisive! I just wanted to be part of a network in my community.

I'm really out. Another 3 months later, the network was now the Pearland Student Pastors Alliance – opened only to student pastors of churches and had put themselves in charge of all the community ministry I was doing.

Gosh, I love networking!