My God Moment

   I'm trying to talk about My God Moment.  Crying again now.  It is hard to explain that how the God of all creation and all knowing, reaches out to you and in a seeming single moment communicates more than I can write on 5 pages. 
   And believe me, if I wrote it, you would be lost in the fog of the background and the finer points.  Your head would be swirling as you tried to keep up!  Me too!
   So here let me try.  Start swimming. . . .
   In a single moment, God showed me that our children, are being tricked by the enemy and that during the stage of life, where they are most likely to make a decision for Jesus, they are in a world that is almost untouched by the church.  Their schools.
   I am now on the 2nd row of my church, sobbing for students. 
   In a single moment, God revealed that I am His Missionary, called to schools.  That I have been following Him and I have learned methods to help communities reach their schools.
   I am now on the 2nd row of the my church, sobbing in awe of my God and in awe of my calling.
   In a single moment, God showed me that, I was going to leave HIS calling on my life because of fear and finances and God only know how many students would be unreached because of that decision.
   I am now on the 2nd row of my church sobbing for the students I so love, overwhelmed my shame and overcome by the mercy of God, who cares enough to call me back to my calling.
   In a single moment, God showed me that I was wasting my life selling meaningless junk on eBay, when He had called me to help communities reach their students.  Their lost, going to burn in hell students.
   I am now on the 2nd row of my church, crying for students and the time I had wasted. 
   In a single moment, God showed me the connections between what I had done and how I was on the track to help communities reach their students. 
   I am now on the 2nd row of my church, crying because I know what I'm suppose to do.

The moment everything changes

I’m in McDonalds and I have 10 minutes to write this. 

 

Sunday, I had one of those life altering experiences:  this moment of clarity that changes how you see things.  At least, at this point, it feels that way.  One of those twists in my thinking that changes everything.

 

For months, Dean and I have been struggling financially.  I had gone thru the sudden closure of the ministry I had been working for, a explorative job search and then the realization that while I could get another job, the best choice for me and my family, was for me to stay in ministry.  For me, staying in ministry means embracing fundraising.  Most ministry people do not eagerly embrace fundraising.

 

Then the next curve ball was that my new ministry did not have their official non-profit status.  So, now, I had former donors who were willing to become current donors, but not until the tax deductible status was in place. 

 

So much for embracing fundraising!  Several things happen.  The gift of a mobile home.   A truck fire.  A garage sale.  A family member is moved to organize other family members to help us.  All very helpful in helping us to make ends meet.  And much appreciated!

 

Those struggles are significant because the financial pressure in my life is becoming overwhelming.  I hate it when the bottom line issue is: What does it pay?  What does it cost?

 

As things go on, I feel more and more LOST.

 

So here is the insight that changes everything:  I am a missionary who has allowed herself to be under prayed for and under funded.  This has caused my mission to suffer and it has nearly caused me to leave the mission field. 

 

On one hand, I feel this overwhelming shame:  How could I have allowed this to happen?  On the other, I feel this overwhelming calling, clarity of vision, a sense of purpose, a renewed passion to help others reach students for Christ.

 

The other thing God gave me in that moment was this insight of how much I know about helping churches and communities impact their schools for Christ!  All the sudden the pieces became clear. 

 

And today, when people ask me how are you?  I am amazed.  I am astonished that I am not glowing.  That I don’t look completely different.  In that moment, everything changed and yet, I don’t know how to talk about it.